September 25th 2016
Let me share with you this little story…
Today I went to an audition in an acting school in Paris in order to confront myself to the appreciation of a jury and hopefuly win the prize of the competition: a intensive stage of acting in London….
When the jury (a male teacher in his 50’s) asks about my experience in front of camera, I mention my years in the adult industry and add my recent roles in mainstream TV shows, feature movies..
He kindly tells me :” You shouldn’t mention that..Your past in porn. I mean, I don’t care, but some people can be stupid, they’ll have right away a bad opinion of you just because you said that.
– Sir, you’re asking, I answer. It’s just a part of my experience.
– Of course but… you see, maybe if it was with famous directors it would be different.
– Well, I worked with Gaspar Noe.
– Nice! yes, you see, it’s different when it’s with someone famous, a recognized director.
– I understand. It’s not about nudity and sex but about the message and the intention behind it… the “artistic” vision. But don’t you think that the cinema industry produces a lot of industrial content as well?
– Sure..I’m just telling you this so you won’t expose yourself to bad comments next time.”
I understand his point of view and I was very glad he gave me some advices. It’s useful to be aware of “the rules” when you want to play the game in a certain field. It’s not so much about what is fair or not but more about : how to adapt itself, be successful and still be honest.
But you know what? The next time someone will ask about my past, I will probably not change my answer. Yes, some people can be stupid and hold prejudices about adult performers, and guess what, I myself can behave this way. I can also have some prejudices towards some people, even if I try to be open minded. But don’t you think that the best way to change a mind is to face the reality, and not the ghost of a fake fantasy?
It is the silence that creates the taboo, and the taboo that creates shame.
Many people judge porn performers because they only see a “category” of people, not individuals with different paths.Fear and silence are what maintain stereotypes and prejudices.
I was probably not the best actress today at this audition. But I’m glad I could actually say : Look I’ve used my body to express myself until now. Now I’m adding my VOICE.